I went to see my neuro today. Even though we agreed last year we would have a telephone conversation this year because it’s simpler for me. But no, l got an email to tell me l had a physical appointment today, at the QE in Birmingham which, on a bad day, is 45 mins or more from mine. I gave up driving (and my car) last year so it’s a pain to get there.
Off course, he told me l’ve got to have an MRI (the same as the previous 10 years) otherwise, the appointment was pretty pointless, as far as l’m concerned.
I have a confession; 2 in fact. I now have PTSD and last year l was fitted with a permanent catheter. Nobody told ME the reason why. Quite frankly in the 14 years since l was diagnosed with MS, this is without question the very worst thing that has happened to me.
People have been telling me for a long time that l am a very strong person. If that’s true then l’ve never had to be stronger.
Having a catheter makes me feel disgusting. It’s uncomfortable, makes me sore and it bypasses (leaks) so l can’t even wear nice knickers!!! After all my weight loss l really wanted to try and look sexy for my fella! I f*#cking hate my body!!!!!!
I can’t quite believe l’ve just told everybody about my catheter. I’m so embarrased, l’m only 52.
I’ll talk about MS and my sex life in future blogs but getting the opportunity to wear nice knickers (despite hideous catheter) or matching undies was so exciting. Plus – l still have to buy & wear Tena pants, just to add insult to injury.
Neuro didn’t even know l had a catheter, let alone why or what for. To be fair l had heard of catheters but had absolutely no idea there was more than one type or how they worked. Just to add embarassment to embarassment, apparently my urethra is on the side which is stramge. Who even knew they could be anywhere but the normal place.
I think l may have told you a little TMI today 😁 But my admissions so far have been (in my opinion) so brave and mortifying at the same time!!! I feel like l’ve told the world 😃 Maybe a little bit cathartic. Just don’t stare at my leg if you bump into me!
Maybe next tine l’ll tell you about my PTSD and how MS has affected my sex life.
Lots of love guys
H xxx
MS Sucks!!! 